i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
