i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
