I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
