Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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