call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize