i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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