i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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