she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
