Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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