According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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