the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
