I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
