Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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