and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
