so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
