Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
