She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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