Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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