why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??