epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dicks are not precious.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
