if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
