and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.