Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

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(520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo

Replies (59) Good night (5296) Bad night (910)
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(443): View more from Maryland

The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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(443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a

Replies (37) Good night (1694) Bad night (7111)
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(519): View more from Ontario

just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.

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(519): just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night. http://tfl.nu/1l56

Replies (16) Good night (1981) Bad night (4261)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

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(484): 5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness http://tfl.nu/vhep

Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (3512)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.

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(720): Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game. http://tfl.nu/5fqu

Replies (7) Good night (2310) Bad night (1604)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

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(618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6

Replies (11) Good night (7051) Bad night (1076)
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(519): View more from Ontario

I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

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(519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls

Replies (12) Good night (3356) Bad night (1976)
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(310): View more from California

I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.

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(310): I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations. http://tfl.nu/td7t

Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (1024)
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(812): View more from Indiana

They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"

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(812): They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage" http://tfl.nu/yp3v

Replies (5) Good night (1333) Bad night (840)
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(815): View more from Illinois

When did angry sex become our thing?

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(815): When did angry sex become our thing? http://tfl.nu/g3vv

Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (374)
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(410): View more from Maryland

One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.

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(410): One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes. http://tfl.nu/j23w

Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (685)
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(727): View more from Florida

You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know

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(727): You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know http://tfl.nu/dtxn

Replies (6) Good night (790) Bad night (403)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?

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(706): I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get? http://tfl.nu/m9m9

Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (382)
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(619): View more from California

She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.

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(619): She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it. http://tfl.nu/d8em

Replies (1) Good night (1036) Bad night (346)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms

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(412): i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms http://tfl.nu/m1iy

Replies (4) Good night (804) Bad night (311)

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