Your dad touched me again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
