WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
