Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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