Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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