ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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