Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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