make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
