Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you win again, gameday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They took my balls.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
