Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
