I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
