Got a toothbrush?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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