My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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