Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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