I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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