"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
