cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
