How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
