Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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