I heard we made out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
