So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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