I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
