Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
