I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
