Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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