I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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