HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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