is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
