All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
