i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
