Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
