I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
