Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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