he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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