FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
