We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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