I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
