Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
