Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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