i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
