Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
