i just google imaged poop.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
