My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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