i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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