how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
