God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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