This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize