He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She announced her abortion via fbk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
