Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
