It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
