Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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